Daily Archives: June 29, 2011

Making Books Into Movies

There’s nothing that I hate more then when some big, important director or writer runs out of ideas. Because when that writer or director runs out of ideas, they take a book that one of their nieces or nephews read last week and make it into a movie. And they read the book, no, not read, they skim the book, or maybe not even skim. Maybe they just read the back cover or the inside jacket and decide that they don’t like it. Then they’re back to square one. But they realize that they need an idea, so they go back to the book. That’s when this happens.

Director: I like the idea of this book, but I want to change everything.

Writer:  *with a big smile like a kid trying to impress their big cousin*Done!

Director: FANTASTIC! Now, lets get some D-list actors and a low-budget set and have this movie out by… hmm… Next month? How does that sound?

Writer: *a bit less sure* Done and doner, Mr. Big Director!

Does that sound pretty accurate to you? The answer is yes. Yes, it does. So some excited Book Blabbers hear the talk about this new book-movie and here’s what happens.

Abby: *freaking out* OH MY GOODNESS JOE! GUESS WHAT?!?!

Joe: What Abby?

Abby: They’re making that really amazing book into a movie! Let’s go see it at midnight!

Joe: OH MY GOODNESS! That will be so fun! Let’s go tell a zillion people and get all excited about it because this will be fantastic, I just know it!

Abby: Yay!

Then they skip happily away. You see, this is all Mr. Director’s big plan. He knows that kids will get very excited, but he also knows that his movie is going to make them very, very disappointed. Since kids are going to get excited about this, they will spend a lot of their babysitting money on this very expensive movie, and when they finish watching it, they will leave the theater stunned. Do you want to know why they are stunned? I’m sure you do, because if you are still reading this, you’re probably thinking “JEEZ GET TO THE POINT!!!!” and so I will.

The kids are stunned because the movie. Isn’t. Anything. Like. The. Book.

And now you’re saying “That’s true! I hate that, too! I’ve been stunned like that, too!”

It stinks. It’s terrible. And then Mr. Director is all happy sitting on his alpaca-wool couch eating caviar from a diamond-encrusted jar counting the zillions of dollars he made by disappointing innocent teenagers that just wanted to have a good time watching their favorite book come to life. But it doesn’t come to life. They change every bit of it, adding new characters, deleting characters, changing people’s names and sometimes even changing the entire meaning of the film, just with a flip of the switch. Do you like that? I don’t!
So all I’m asking of you, Book Blabbers, is to make sure you look into the Book-Movie before you go spend $14 on a ticket and $1,290,304 on snacks. ‘Till next time!